I’m a firm believer that we all have at least one focus that takes up most of our time and energy. From finding our unique purpose, obtaining more money, or losing weight. It can literally be anything.
We focus hard on this one aspect of our lives but never seem to have any serious breakthrough moments. We try different approaches, different systems or strategies and maybe some progress is made, but eventually you slide backwards again and the cycle continues. Sound familiar?
To put it bluntly, the reason you’re failing is because you’re getting in your own way.
I struggled for a long time with motivation and willpower. For me, doing what I knew I needed to do was HARD, and required a lot of effort. I would constantly be failing and having to refocus my efforts. I was desperately trying to build healthy habits and propel myself upwards, but it was a constant fight. I wasn’t making serious progress.
After years of effort, something inside of me snapped. I reached rock-bottom, and the only thing left to do was stop. So I gave up. I consciously tore myself away from my obsessions. Even though I’d been causing myself huge amounts of frustration, stopping seemed so counter-intuitive, which made this a brutally hard decision.
Next, something extraordinary happened. A much deeper motivation was starting to emerge and my brain was starting to focus itself on autopilot. There was no more internal fighting and I felt compelled to work and pursue my passions. Not only this, but areas I’d struggled with for years vanished overnight and I stopped worrying about the micro-results.
What the hell was going on?
I started researching and trying to figure out what changes were happening. I started a meditation practice, and searching inside for answers. After a lot of looking, I came to the conclusion that my over-striving came from a place of mistrust. It was fear disguised as taking action, and If I looked really closely I was doing those things because I didn’t believe in myself. I didn’t truly value myself. I needed ‘to do’ to feel worthy. At the time I couldn’t see this because I was so focused on achieving, but it was this very mindset that was slowing me down. The only answer was to stop everything. All that could remain was the truth.
So I stopped everything and just watched. I wouldn’t judge my behavior and if I wanted to do nothing, I would do nothing, but I would pay attention to how it made me feel.I was re-learning how to listen to my intuition and deeper self. I was building trust and awareness, letting a deeper intelligence guide me. The result?
Very quickly, I started working towards my vision, but there were subtle differences. The reasons for doing it became much clearer. There was no longer tension and neurotic behavior associated with my goals. It was a calm, consistent energy, and effortless to maintain. I felt much more whole and balanced, and less attached to needing an outcome. Everything started to fall in place, effortlessly.
The ‘How-To’ part
Whether you follow this advice very much depends on where you are in life. The signposts for me are
- If I’m focusing on one area for at least a few months and making no noticeable improvements.
- Most of my energy is being consumed by one thing, and the issue isn’t being resolved
- If I start frenetically pursuing something.
If any of these apply to you, then for the next two weeks dedicate yourself to actively not pursuing said goal/desire.
After letting go there are some things that need to be done:
Firstly, be very active in not judging yourself. Realise that you are no less whole by not pursuing this ‘thing’ or object of desire.
Realise that all of this tension and ‘needing’ is self-inflicted and at the end of the day, imaginary. And lastly, notice how you can be perfectly happy without this thing in your life.
Reflect on what you truly want and why. This is a time to listen and open your eyes. What are you hiding from? Where are you decieving yourself?
This process can be uncomfortable as it’s a healing process. It may require you to face some truths you’ve been hiding from, but this is where the power lies. You may find that after doing this you no longer feel you need to pursue your old focus, or more than likely it will manifest in a different way. Maybe there will be subtle differences. A new path or end goal.
This could be your breakthrough moment. I know it has been for me, several times in different areas of my life I’ve seen massive progress by taking a big step back and just listening and watching.
If you really want to take your life to the next level then give up for a while. Stop trying so hard and see what happens, let yourself do what you want and just watch. Start trusting yourself again. What happens next may astonish you. And if you try this and it doesn’t work for you…go back to your old ways.
You have nothing to lose, and if you think you do, its probably a sign that you desperately need to do this.
I would love to hear your thoughts, so please don’t hesitate to comment. I read everything and will respond ASAP